engagement should be mutual and free. If you don't
feel free, do not marry !
engages two persons, but also the coming
children (often the cause of
marriage). If you have not had a calm discussion on
this question, take the time to talk about it. Is the choice
to share lives a real choice ? If you do not have the
feeling of choosing the other for life, but for a time, you
will have to mature this choice. It is not a light thing to
do, but needs willingness.
It is difficult to
know at the beginning of a love story. If things have gone too fast
(including on sexual matters) you have not made a free choice,
because to quick and driven by unconscious reasons. Sometimes you
will need courage, to decide to separate before it becomes too late
(with touch), or you will need distance to make a free
and willing act
(because freely chosen). Do not make of your future children victims
of your indecision. Interrogate yourself on your ability to remain
faithful, your ability to pass crisis, your will to love the other
without return. Will you love him/her when he/she gets old, sick or
A test : Set a
meeting at 10.00 am in a shopping gallery and be there at 11.00 am.
If he is still there, it is a good sign... :-))
The civil wedding
and even more the religious one are engagement for life. Divorce,
even if possible is not the better solution,. An engagement to live
together is an engagement with
which brings freedom and not the logical following of a look for
Willingness + desire is stronger than
To the difference
of your first encounter where desire, wish to merge and thrust of an
encounter were pushing you towards each other, marriage is an act of
will. But this will can be liberating because it allows one to take
distance from desire.
- Take the time !
- Try engagement !
- Experience a
physical distance to test your independence and your freedom (at its
beginning, sexuality is more a slavery to internal impulse than
freedom... ) !
- Assume your fears
! You are not ready, say so ! If the other loves you truly he will
wait. If he is impatient, it is not a good sign ! -
referees (conjugal counsellor - for a Christian marriage, there is
also place for encounter and specialised dialogue where we discuss
our decision with others (see links).
French Sites on
marriage Civil marriage http://www.preparation-mariage.eu/mariage/civil.php
why, how ? http://www.preparation-mariage.eu/