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 Why ?

rond Some arguments against :


An engagement should be mutual and free. If you don't feel free, do not marry !

Wedding engages two persons, but also the coming children (often the cause of marriage). If you have not had a calm discussion on this question, take the time to talk about it. Is the choice to share lives a real choice ? If you do not have the feeling of choosing the other for life, but for a time, you will have to mature this choice. It is not a light thing to do, but needs willingness.

It is difficult to know at the beginning of a love story. If things have gone too fast (including on sexual matters) you have not made a free choice, because to quick and driven by unconscious reasons. Sometimes you will need courage, to decide to separate before it becomes too late (with touch), or you will need distance to make a free and willing act (because freely chosen). Do not make of your future children victims of your indecision. Interrogate yourself on your ability to remain faithful, your ability to pass crisis, your will to love the other without return. Will you love him/her when he/she gets old, sick or ugly ?

A test : Set a meeting at 10.00 am in a shopping gallery and be there at 11.00 am. If he is still there, it is a good sign... :-))

The civil wedding and even more the religious one are engagement for life. Divorce, even if possible is not the better solution,. An engagement to live together is an engagement with willingness and which brings freedom and not the logical following of a look for merging.


rond Some arguments for :

Engagement in time is not a loss of freedom but on the contrary a place where autonomy can grow because it meets inside ourselves a stronger desire. When this desire of truly loving someone, deeply and beyond our egoistic tendency is felt, the willing engagement towards marriage becomes a liberation. The couple is then ready to bet on the power of love to go towards the future and break back bridges. "The engagement is the deepest living stage of human love and the institution of marriage can really be at the service of it" (D. Sonet).


rond It works or it breaks !

Willingness + desire is stronger than everything.

Desire without it becomes slavery.


See also, why marrying

To the difference of your first encounter where desire, wish to merge and thrust of an encounter were pushing you towards each other, marriage is an act of will. But this will can be liberating because it allows one to take distance from desire.

- Take the time !

- Try engagement !

- Experience a physical distance to test your independence and your freedom (at its beginning, sexuality is more a slavery to internal impulse than freedom... ) !

- Assume your fears ! You are not ready, say so ! If the other loves you truly he will wait. If he is impatient, it is not a good sign ! -

Prepare with referees (conjugal counsellor - for a Christian marriage, there is also place for encounter and specialised dialogue where we discuss our decision with others (see links).

French Sites on marriage Civil marriage

Christian wedding, why, how ?



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